Airplane Etiquette

Give. Me. One. Damn. Minute.

Poison-head arrows were shooting out of my eyes at the suit behind me. It's not that I'm a mean person, it's just that I can be passive-aggressive when I need to be. I wish it were different. I wish I could have looked this jerk in the eye and told him to "Give me a damn minute."

I'm a pretty light traveller these days. I can fit one week's worth of business casual outfits, workout clothes (with gym shoes), casual clothes, fun clothes (if it's a fun city and we'll have time to go out to a bar or two), toiletries, hair brushes, and a good book into a carry-on luggage. I just bring that and my laptop bag with me when I travel because there's no way in hell I'm checking anything (too many pieces of luggage have been lost for me not to have learned that lesson).

But what kills me is that people on the airplane won't budge an inch to let you pull that luggage down from the overhead compartment.

First, I'm amazed by the lack of courtesy people will afford each other when exiting the airplane. There seems that there should be a natural order to things: each row has it's turn to empty into the aisles, with the back rows waiting until it's their turn to go. Instead, it's a mad dash with everyone out for themselves. We've been on the plane 2 hours. Another 3.6 seconds isn't going to kill anybody.

Then, it seems that as soon as you leave your seat, you're expected to make a beeline for the cabin door. Nevermind that you might have some luggage to pull out of the bins. There's the silent impatient scowl from the people behind you, as if they are saying "Look at this conceited passenger. You just HAD to bring your luggage on board and ruin it for the rest of us, didn't you?"

Every time I'm on the plane, I feel like I'm rushing to pull down my luggage, and that I should be apologizing to everyone behind me. And these people don't give even an inch of room. I literally almost took three people out with my luggage on my last flight. It's simple physics, really. The luggage is going to make a downward trajectory arc when I pull it down and anything in the way of that arc is going to get smashed. So if you're breathing down my neck, you better step away.

Now, I'm taking my time. If people aren't going to be courteous to me and other passengers, then they can just wait. I'm going to be more assertive. The next time a passenger is breathing down my neck, I'm going to stop, turn to them and very nicely ask them to back that ass up.

People are so predictable

I've heard a quote before. "There are no innovative ideas. Just the same old ideas put together in new ways."

Now that I have a true commute back and forth to work (although, I'm sure, commuters in other parts of the country would probably laugh at my use of the word "commute"), I'm amazed to be able to judge human behavior through traffic patterns. And I've decided that no one is really that unique. Collectively, we have the same behaviors and the same thoughts that drive those behaviors - at least when it comes to commuting.

For example, I usually don't have much traffic in the morning. This is probably because I don't have to be at work until 9:00 am. However, I've found that on Mondays and Fridays there isn't as much traffic in the morning. Perhaps because people are less motivated to get to work on Monday and Friday mornings, or perhaps more people don't work on those those. Whatever the reason, collectively, fewer people are on the road on those mornings.

And the commute back on those days has a similar pattern. It doesn't matter what time I leave on Mondays because I never hit traffic - perhaps everyone is busy on Mondays and leaves work at different times. On Fridays, I'm lucky to make it home in 40 minutes if I leave at 4:45 pm. Everyone is ready to get off work and start the weekend.

I left at 4:00 on Wednesday, thinking I would beat traffic home. Nope. Everyone had the same idea.

Whatever the reasons, we seem to have similar behaviors. We go to work around the same time. We leave around the same time. Around the holidays, we have the same idea about "beating traffic". I guess as humans, we don't have much of an original thought in our heads - we're pretty predictable.

Now I just need to find a new way of putting together those same ideas so I can beat the rush hour traffic on I-40.